Monday, April 13, 2009

With every good idea comes a copycat

A dear friend of mine recently wrote a list of 22 friends who have in some way or another made an impact on her life. Being 22 herself, the list represented a friend for each year that she has been alive. Recent events in my life have made me reflect and focus on what I am grateful for. I have already flew around the world, had surgery, turned 25, and witnessed the happy engagement of my sister. Life is good and I have a lot to be grateful for. So here is my list:

1. I am sorry to start with my dog, but I will. Its my damn list. Precious, my springer spaniel friend, was a selfish, self serving, gluttonus, diva and I enjoyed every minute of her. I would be crying over some failed realtionship and she would be there. . .making me rub her belly while I sobbed. She brought so much joy and spent 10 years of her life apart of our family.

2. Nikki Moulton. . .My high school buddy who introduced me to many new things and gave me a lot of fun memories. She helped through my anorexia by offering these profound words, "It's just cheese. You can eat it. It's not scary." So simple, but it started to change my life.

3. Steffanie Wallace. . .My church friend who brought me a wonderful friendship and many warm memories. I am thankful I knew her.

4. The Eating Disorder Staff and friends at the LLMBC. . .I know it's not one person, but all collectively changed my life and introduced me to the light at the end of the tunnel.

5. Miss Bettie Page. . .Your testimony and your life changed how I wanted to see myself and gave me courage to be a better woman.

6. Tina Faris. . .You showed me a loving, attentive friendship that I had never known. You brought me happiness and warm, ridiculous memories.

7. Amy McClain. . .The woman who knows everybody and gives the best hugs. You inspired me and challenged me.

8. Annie Ludes. . ."You made my light days lighter".

9. Macall Rager. . .You taught me style and class.

10. Jamie Peterson. . .You are one of the most encouraging, validating people I have ever known. I aspire to live as vocal as you do with your gifts of words.

11. Melissa Meador. . .My favorite ballerina. I aspire to have your grace and thoughtful heart.

12. Walter Ponce. ..Taught me creativity, love of myself, confidence and everything that is crazy and fun.

13. Carissa Keppelin. . .Has one of the sweetest hearts and best laugh of anyone I know. I feel like my best self when I am around her.

14. Cece Chavez. . .My college roomate who moved all the furniture around every two days. She is silly, lovely and talented. I feel privelaged to know her.

15. Judy Garland. . .I aspire to have your wit, presence and ability to entertain. I am in awe of your effortless talent.

16. Greg Albert. . .For introducing me to what it's like to date your best friend and for being my first date that wanted to pray before we ate. You were a gift.

17. Abby Gonzalez. . .For being my best buddy, teaching me so much, and bringing so much joy. I will always adore you.

18. Mark Gonzalez. . .For being one of the most consistent people in my life. You have been such a dear friend. I cherish your friendship.

19. immaculee ilibagiza. . .For giving your story of forgiveness. I will always think of you when I have to swallow my pride and take steps to forgiveness. You are the ultimate example.

20. CoCo Watson. . .You introduced me to The Cheno, all things theater and a world that I am most proud to be a part of.

21. Edith Piaf. . .You have brought me so much inspiration and I think we would have been the best of friends with the most drama.

22. Veronica Miele. . .You are talented and convicted and I appreciate everything about you. You are a wonderful edition to my life.

23. Joann Cannon. . .For being my wild and crazy great aunt with a sass and boldness that I love and appreciate.

24. Grandpa Harvey Metcalf. . .For being the only Grandpa that I have ever known. I might marry Chris just so you could officially be my Grandpa. There has always been a void in the place where a Grandpa should be and you fill it with such kindness and joy. I will never forget blueberry pancakes, coffee, and hours of stories:)

25. And last but not least. .Chris Metcalf. . .You have made me into a better woman then I ever thought I could be. I will forever be grateful for how love me and what you have brought to my life. My life is sweeter and more challenging with in it and I wouldnt change a thing:)

Thank you all. . .What you meant to me is priceless. Thank you for making me a better woman:)

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Around the World in 18 Days

I am back to reality. Back to waking up in my own bed, brushing my teeth with tap water, eating food that doesn't taste funny, and not being sick from a weekly dose of malaria pill. I made it! I am not sure where to begin with what this experience has meant to me. I am still processing it and trying to dissect what this whole trip. To begin, it was jammed packed with powerful experiences that I know I could have only had by taking the long journey to Africa. I am glad I did and I am glad I have that experience to share with my children and grandchildren to hopefully inspire them to step out of their comfort zones.
The flight, as most of you know, was what I woke up in the middle of night freaking out over the possible trauma of what flying for 20 hours would do for my fears. I am happy to say, I did good. I flew fearfully and bravely, but I was not without armor. I surrendered to Gods purposes for this trip and experienced a complete peace that allowed me to not stress over turbulence. It was a miracle.
The first week was pretty busy. I experienced off and on nausea from the dreaded malaria pill and struggled to feel like myself in a foreign place.
On Monday, we went and spoke with workers of the counseling center my mom had founded. It was neat to hear how committed they were to bringing reconciliation and healing to their people. They work without getting paid.
On Tuesday, we went back the the counseling center to take one of the social workers to a woman who has been a client of hers. The client, Domina, is an HIV+ woman who is caring for 10 kids. She lives in a teeny, unsanitary 3 room house. We spent time counseling her and praying for healing for her. The amazing part was after we finished praying for her, she asked if she could pray for us. She prayed for 45 minutes for the journey the Lord has for us. I was in awe of this woman of faith. We thought we came to help her and she only wanted to offer us what she could. I lost it during her prayer when she said, "Thank you Lord for the protection and safety for their journey here." I took that as prayer over the dreaded plane ride to get there. It felt like a divine moment.
On Wednesday, we experienced one of our most incredible days. We met with the people of PHARP, an organization devoted to peace and reconciliation. The first place we went to was one of their organizations where they teach young girls skills such as sewing so that they have a skill to acquire an income. They also hear bible teachings everyday and attempt to receive healing for their painful past. They greeted us with the most beautiful, upbeat singing. They made us dance. It was delightful. I cherish that time. After we spent some time with them, we headed out towards a village in their version of the mountains. It was extremely impoverished and had the least amount of modern necessities. We stopped at a place where had to hike to our destination. I was carrying my carry on luggage filled with school supplies for kids that might need it. I had to roll it over a trail that had many rocks and was very hilly. We saw many children along the way. They were very dirty and had torn, old clothes. One boy we saw walked around holding up his dirty sweatpants. If he let go of them, they would fall to his ankles and reveal a body with no undergarments. This was poorest people I would see on the whole trip. We finally made it to our destination. There were many workers, men and women who cared for what they called a peace garden. It was peace garden because of who were responsible for tending to it. Victims of the genocide and killers from the genocide would work together to keep this garden surviving. It was an incredible sight to know these pained people could come together and attempt to find reconciliation with one another. We headed off to a church where we heard testimonials from the victims of genocide. A girl about 19, spoke of how she witnessed the killing of her father by a machete. The killer came to her years later, begging for her forgiveness. He asked many times and she refused, until she realized she needed to forgive to move on. In the middle of these testimonies I found myself needing to use the restroom and that would lead me to my first encounter with their version of a bathroom, which was hole in the ground surrounded by walls. When I came back, I heard another story of a killer who struggled with what he did and has taken steps to ask for forgiveness from those impacted by his offense. We heard another woman's story who lost many members of her family. The killer is a part of her community. She struggled to forgive him and then finally did. When she tried to communicate with the killer, he has refused to repent and ask for forgiveness. She is in pain over his unwillingness. It was painful to hear their stories and haunting. I was grateful for the work that PHARP is trying to do. It seems to have been helpful. One of their most committed workers has had a painful past with the genocide. He lost his wife and 2 daughters. He spoke of his painful journey to forgiveness. You could still see the pain in his eyes even though there was peace about the situation. As we left, I received the most warm, appreciative hugs from the village women. They had most rough hands. They were precious and I was honored to be in their presence. After leaving there, I saw a primary school that was just getting out and I asked if we could stop so that I may give them the school supplies I had brought. We got out of the car and were swarmed with hundreds of school children who said hello and wanted to touch our hands. It took me 30 minutes to get 50 ft to where we would give the school supplies. I picked up one child who buried her head in my chest from embarrassment. Another child put his hand out to touch and then pulled quickly out of fear of touching my white skin. I presented all my school supplies and they seemed to be very appreciative. I was grateful for 99 cent store for providing me the opportunity to buy good quality supplies that wouldn't break my budget.
On Friday, I got the chance to contribute to a training seminar. My mom was the main speaker addressing gender violence and conflict resolution. I offered examples from Chris and I's relationship where we had to learn how to understand and resolve our own conflicts. The professor had me write down one of my examples so that he could use it later. It was a productive day, but I ate something at lunch that I would regret in the following days. I think it was goat, but it tasted like the smelly, unsanitary village, and like goat smells when its alive. It was awful.
Before the sickness overtook me, I had the wonderful opportunity to go to an orphanage where we handed out soccer balls, jerseys, balloon animals and I organized a friendly game of duck duck goose. I fell in love with a little girl name Florence who only spoke french. She cuddled up with me and stayed very close. I put lip gloss on her and taught her to smack her lips together to get the lipstick rubbed in to her lips. It was very cute.
The next 3 days I would be sick in bed feeling like I was on a cruise ship. It was terrible and I missed out on getting to participate in some things. I don't usually get homesick, but its funny when you're sick, that's when you miss the comforts of home the most. I was miserable, but I got watch a lot of weird movies.
By Wednesday, I was feeling better. I pushed myself to ride with my mother to Gitirama to help with her seminar teaching pastors. She spoke for 4 hours. She said some controversial things regarding gender violence. The funny thing is, they didn't have a strong reaction to anything she was saying until she said taught about marriage conflicts. She told them that there needs to be a difference between need and want when asking your partner for something. Her example she gave was, "If your wife says I need you to tell me that you love me everyday, then you do it." There was an outcry. The men stated that they work hard, why would they need to tell her they love everyday, she should already know. The 5 love languages book has not hit Rwanda, but I think it could be helpful:)
That was our last work day and we spent our last day in Rwanda attending the ceremony for the law enforcement and firemen. It was a bittersweet end to a significant time. To debrief before our trip home, we planned a trip to Akagera game park. The first night, we stayed in Kibungo at place where I slept with lights on and my eyes open. There were plenty of mosquito's and geckos wandering around all too closely. I had the privilege of sharing a shower with a nosy gecko. I screamed bloody murder when I saw it and forced my mother to stand closely while I finished showering in this vulnerable state. We all decided that the next night, we would stay at the Akagera lodge. It was beautiful and breathtaking. It was more expensive, but there was candy on my pillow instead of a gecko. I was happy about that. We had the wonderful opportunity to see giraffes, zebras, cape Buffalo, baboons, gazelles, and impalas all in their natural habitat. It was amazing. God is amazing for creating such majestic creatures.
On the way out of the game park, we stopped and handed out candy, fruit snacks and t-shirts. The kids loved it! I had 2 small bottles of perfume with me and I gave them hardworking village women on the side of the road. I am hoping they weren't insulted by my kind gesture. We continued on handing out water bottles to children. We started to run out of things to give, but one of our team members had zone bars left to give. So there is a small child in a village who is the zone diet. It was nice to be able to give as we were leaving this place that had been our home for 2 wks.
Rwanda was beautiful. It looked like Hawaii with its banana trees and green foliage everywhere. The people were warm and hospitable. It was a wonderful opportunity and I feel blessed to have been able to be a part of it.