How the Deep the Fathers Love for Us

As Easter is approaching and sermons revolve around the Life and death of Jesus Christ, I am reminded of my favorite song. When I was in choir 6 years ago, we sang a song that had the most powerful lyrics that addressed the sacrifice made by our God for us. I always thought this song was beautiful in its arrangement and I loved the message we were giving. We sang that song over and over. Sometimes, singing a song became about remembering my Alto 2 part and following my Teacher correctly. It wasn't until Choir tour at the end of the year in a little church in Northern California that my heart broke for this song. I couldn't contain myself and had great difficulty keeping it together and not allowing it turn into the "ugly cry". Thankfully, it was the last song we sang that evening, so I could get off the stage quickly and let it pour out of me. It beautifully tells the salvation story and reminds me of what a sacrificial gift this was to all of us. I have felt undeserving of this Gift at times and I cannot imagine enduring the pain that Christ did for all of us. I hope that is the message as we approach Easter, that we are reminded of the sacrifice and the amazing gift of His love for us.

LYRICS

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That he should give His only son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to Glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held him there,
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No Gifts, No power, No wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and Resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom


This is a version I found on Youtube.com that is similar to the arrangement we sang in my choir.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk5AUSFB9Lc

It is a Gift.

For the past 8 months, I have consented myself to the utmost ridiculous sort of heart trauma. I started out hopeful and excited without knowing what was to come. Now, 8 months later, I am filled with regret. You could even say I am filled with 3 years of regret. It breaks my heart to hear myself say that. My optimistic, hopeful, romantic heart can't bare the tragic reality that lays before me. Recent events have sobered me up to a reality I was afraid to feel. Now I feel it, in all it's failing glory. I am angry, devastated, broken and so disappointed. The funny thing is, in retrospect, I am not all that surprised. I was aware of major character flaws, but ignored them when I was afraid he would notice mine. Nowadays, I would take my character flaws any day over his shallow ways. I feel like it would be really easy to be bitter, depressed and simply devastated for a long-period of time, but that doesn't sound like fun or like it's worth my time. To be honest, it would even be easier to blame him for everything, but I am fully aware of my responsibility. Although, when I accepted full responsibility, I become painfully aware that I could have prevented this long and arduous path towards "wisdom" three years prior.

I choose to see my experience as a gift. . .a gift of understanding into myself, my faith and the truly precious gift of a relationship. This perspective brings me so much more joy than any other way I could see things. It then serves a purpose and makes it all worthwhile. I am still processing everything. . .

After letting go of the hope of a romantic relationship, I was left with reconciling what form of friendship we would have. I now know friendship is not an option for so many reasons. It is so surreal for me to think that I once shared my deepest thoughts, heart and most intimate moments with someone who no longer can be a part of my life. After the anger was gone, I was left trying to understand how this could be a reality.

I am pleased to inform you, that I am happy and peaceful. I slowly, but surely am moving forward towards myself and towards reconciliation of this past choice of mine. My heart feels lighter and my mind is clearer. God is revealing himself to me in a whole new way and I am so happy that he still allows us to be friends after how I have pushed him away and disapointed him.

I definitely am wiser and everything holds so much more significance and value in my life. I am appreciative of the healthy encouraging relationships I currently have and I am grateful for those who stood by me, giving a listening ear to what I now know was a frustrating process. I believe I am finally finished blogging about him:)

Phantom Bed

I am trying to develop good habits. My good habits now revolve around how they can best serve God, my growth, trying to live up to the expectations of my living situation, reconciling relationships, and being more disciplined with school and fitness. The more that I fill myself, mature, and grow is the more that contribute to a healthier marriage. If I have healthy relationships in my life and develop healthy habits to cope, I will be more attracted to Healthy people and create healthier relationships.
I am constantly challenged by this goal of "healthier habits". Habits are difficult to break. They reveal a pattern about yourself that maybe you were in denial about or didn't want to deal with. Its easy to focus on one particular situation where there is conflict, but it is more difficult to look at the bigger picture and admit that it is a bad habit you developed in coping with life. When we allow ourselves to be freed of these ridiculous bad habits, we can be more empowered and be more open to God's molding of our character.
I hope to make 2010 a year of "Good Habits". I'm going to throw out my old useless ways of coping and be abundantly aware of where I can make a difference. However big or small the change is, I want to make a difference and a difference for the better. My bath tub stuff is not a huge deal, but it makes a difference. It's also thoughtfully considering someones small needs. I would like to be in a habit of thoughtfully considering, even the small needs, of those around. I believe God works in that way sometimes to let us know he loves us or cares with just acknowledging just the little needs that we have to get by. He's there, so I want to be there. So this year is a time of honesty, being real with myself and be willing to correct what habits that were developed when I didn't know any better. As we get older, we are hopefully getting wiser and now have the ability to make changes in our habits. I am hoping that we all can be a little wiser, a little more honest with ourselves and others, and be willing to change whats not working for us anymore.