Friday, December 12, 2008
It is a sad day. . .R.I.P. Bettie Page
In an age where role models for people are that of Paris Hilton, Britney Spears or even somebody most worthy of such a title, Barack Obama. That scenario can take on many forms and for me it was a very curvaceous form. I remember the first time I discovered Bettie Page it seemed as if her timing was perfect. I watched her "E! True Hollywood Story", listening to stories of her life and those that loved her. At that time in my life, my eating disorder had spun out of control. I obsessed over definitions of beauty in hopes of becoming someone worthy of that title. In an attempt to look like the supermodels of the that time, I had to starve myself, make myself throw up, and work out like a mad woman. I wanted to look like these rail thin beauties in order to attain ultimate acceptance. Then I saw Bettie Page, and she penetrated the obsessive world that I was consumed with. She was not your typical beauty and she had the most amazing curves I have ever seen. There was no mistaking her beauty. I began a search to learn more about this woman. I found a picture of her naked on the beach. The most amazing part of this picture was that she looked liberated and happy in her body. That was something I felt the opposite of at the time. She represented freedom to me and ultimate beauty in a way that defied social norms. I would no longer need to be a prisoner of my body. I could eat and be curvy and I would be beautiful. More so than that, I would be free. My favorite part of Bettie Page's story is that at the height of her career, she gave her life over to God. Even with all of her success, she still desired the ultimate acceptance of her creator. Being a Christian myself, that part of her story meant the world to me. I have been healed of my eating disorder for now almost seven years and I owe a lot of that to Bettie Page. My life began after my eating disorder and I have gone on to face my fears, fly to Louisiana for hurricane Katrina relief work and I am now on my way to becoming a missionary in Rwanda, Africa for two weeks. What a difference a testimony can make. I am not your typical Bettie Page fan. I don't have a lot of tattoos. I don't have her famous black hair and chopped bangs. I really don't care for the bondage part of her modeling, but I admire the woman that redefined beauty for me and challenged me to give up this unrealistc pursuit of beauty and just live.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Choose Joy.
If you were to ask who my top favorite Actor and Actress would be, I would tell you, Carey Grant and Kate Winslet. They never disappoint me and I fall in love with them every time, even if the movie itself is somewhat failing. My favorite story about Kate Winslet is when she tried to show her kids what she does for a living. Most of her movies had been inappropriate for small children to watch. She finally made a children's movie with the hit "Flushed Away". After they enjoyed watching her movie, she tried seeing if they understood what her job was. Her daughter replied with, "Oh I see...Mommy, you do mouse voices." Poor Kate. One day her daughter will know her Mommy's brilliance.
My list of actors would go on to include Anne Hathaway and many others. Anne Hathaway has displayed a consistent integrity throughout her career movie choices. She has not seemed to been wrapped up in the shallowness of Hollywood. She doesn't have a sex tape or been caught not wearing panties. Which brings me to one of my favorite quotes. She was interviewed a couple months back in a magazine and something she said has stuck with me and has been a comfort to me. In the last paragraph of her interview, the article reads, "It's hard to sum up the balance she is trying to achieve, but Anne thoughtfully explains, 'There's something that, growing up, my mom would say to me. And I say it back to her a lot. We're fairly dramatic people. And we're prone to very big feelings. So, when those very big feelings sometimes aren't the most positive thing, we just look at each other, and we say, 'Choose joy.' " That quote resonates with me in a very powerful way. I wish I had had its wisdom as a child, so that it would have validated the positives of being a dramatic person, but the simple way I needed to deal with the negative. There are a lot of us dramatic people who simply let our feelings get the best of us. Being it the positive or the negative. We just have to remember that's who we are and we need to "Choose joy". Very simply put, but profoundly effective if used.
My list of actors would go on to include Anne Hathaway and many others. Anne Hathaway has displayed a consistent integrity throughout her career movie choices. She has not seemed to been wrapped up in the shallowness of Hollywood. She doesn't have a sex tape or been caught not wearing panties. Which brings me to one of my favorite quotes. She was interviewed a couple months back in a magazine and something she said has stuck with me and has been a comfort to me. In the last paragraph of her interview, the article reads, "It's hard to sum up the balance she is trying to achieve, but Anne thoughtfully explains, 'There's something that, growing up, my mom would say to me. And I say it back to her a lot. We're fairly dramatic people. And we're prone to very big feelings. So, when those very big feelings sometimes aren't the most positive thing, we just look at each other, and we say, 'Choose joy.' " That quote resonates with me in a very powerful way. I wish I had had its wisdom as a child, so that it would have validated the positives of being a dramatic person, but the simple way I needed to deal with the negative. There are a lot of us dramatic people who simply let our feelings get the best of us. Being it the positive or the negative. We just have to remember that's who we are and we need to "Choose joy". Very simply put, but profoundly effective if used.
HSM 3 craziness!
As some of you know, Abby is obsessed with High School Musical. She is 5 going on 15 after watching these movies. She knows all the songs and makes me sing them,..well only the boy parts. She sings the girl parts and yells at me if I try to sing them. We sing the songs every time she is in my car and whenever we watch the movies. She makes me play the Characters. I'm afraid that we have become the equivalent of Star Wars fans, but with HSM.
Every time we watch the movies, she make me sing the songs as we watch the movies, sometimes even acting them out and this has become our ritual in watching these movies. As you might imagine, we..I mean She was excited about the continuing of these films with the ever awaited trilogy of HSM 3. I bought tickets at the El Capitan in Hollywood for us to experience the movie to its fullest. We dressed up in our HSM finest, donning our matching hot pink HSM hats as well as matching shirts. She was so excited. When we got to the movie theatre, they gave us our bucket of HSM popcorn that would lead us to an adventure of a lifetime. There were many young kids and Abby was no exception. She even needed a booster seat to be able to see the giant screen. Throughout the movie, she would look at me and smile and wink, as if to check in and signal to me her enjoyment and excitement of this to me. As with all the movies, for her the climatic part would be the part where Troy and Gabriella would kiss. I know why I enjoy seeing that scene, but I still have yet to figure out its significance to a 5 year old. In our ritual of this scene coming up, we would hold hands and with boy crazy enthusiasm, we give a loud, giddy "EEEEEeeeee!" So of course, HSM 3 had the potential for giving us the opportunity to take part in our favorite expression of happiness in this scene. We did, and from an adults point of view, the kiss was AMAZING. The last movies don't even compare. They are kisses you give to your mom, whereas this recent installment gives a romantic, passionate, sweet kiss. After the movie ended, Abby and I walked to the car and I asked her, "What did you think of the movie?" Her confident reply, "It was perfect." She smiled as she said that. I then asked her what she thought of our favorite part, the kiss. Without missing a beat she says, "It was delightful." To a 5 year old, she thought the kiss was delightful! How cute is that? If you were to ask me as a 24 year old how my first kiss with Chris was, I would claim it was delightful and magical. I think that's kind of how falling in love is. We see the world with a child like enthusiasm and become shielded from the world's disappointments and we suddenly become innocent. That innocence is something I believe we all search to find. That's when we do our best dreaming and we feel we can conquer the world. Children have the ability to dream the impossible dream and adults become fearful of attempting such a feat. As adults, we do get this rare window of opportunity in some unexpected moments. When we fall in love with our significant other. When we come to know and accept Christ's love for us. When we fall in love with a movie. When we go to Disneyland. When Christmas rolls around. When we meet those rare people in our lives who we can be ourselves with. It's different with everybody. My mom would tell you its when she runs, whereas my brother would confess it is when he surfs or experiences the outdoors. I would say a visit with Sea World encompasses all that is beautiful and wonderful. Kissing the one you love, hits you in a way that you didn't know you could feel and God has blessed us with that beautiful gift. I suppose that is why I enjoy these HSM movies. They are a rare window into the world of innocence, especially when I experience them through my favorite little person. I hope everyone has found that window of complete happiness. I can guarantee two absolute moments. When you kiss the one you love and when you fall in love with Christ. As for HSM movies being that for you, I have no guarantees.
Every time we watch the movies, she make me sing the songs as we watch the movies, sometimes even acting them out and this has become our ritual in watching these movies. As you might imagine, we..I mean She was excited about the continuing of these films with the ever awaited trilogy of HSM 3. I bought tickets at the El Capitan in Hollywood for us to experience the movie to its fullest. We dressed up in our HSM finest, donning our matching hot pink HSM hats as well as matching shirts. She was so excited. When we got to the movie theatre, they gave us our bucket of HSM popcorn that would lead us to an adventure of a lifetime. There were many young kids and Abby was no exception. She even needed a booster seat to be able to see the giant screen. Throughout the movie, she would look at me and smile and wink, as if to check in and signal to me her enjoyment and excitement of this to me. As with all the movies, for her the climatic part would be the part where Troy and Gabriella would kiss. I know why I enjoy seeing that scene, but I still have yet to figure out its significance to a 5 year old. In our ritual of this scene coming up, we would hold hands and with boy crazy enthusiasm, we give a loud, giddy "EEEEEeeeee!" So of course, HSM 3 had the potential for giving us the opportunity to take part in our favorite expression of happiness in this scene. We did, and from an adults point of view, the kiss was AMAZING. The last movies don't even compare. They are kisses you give to your mom, whereas this recent installment gives a romantic, passionate, sweet kiss. After the movie ended, Abby and I walked to the car and I asked her, "What did you think of the movie?" Her confident reply, "It was perfect." She smiled as she said that. I then asked her what she thought of our favorite part, the kiss. Without missing a beat she says, "It was delightful." To a 5 year old, she thought the kiss was delightful! How cute is that? If you were to ask me as a 24 year old how my first kiss with Chris was, I would claim it was delightful and magical. I think that's kind of how falling in love is. We see the world with a child like enthusiasm and become shielded from the world's disappointments and we suddenly become innocent. That innocence is something I believe we all search to find. That's when we do our best dreaming and we feel we can conquer the world. Children have the ability to dream the impossible dream and adults become fearful of attempting such a feat. As adults, we do get this rare window of opportunity in some unexpected moments. When we fall in love with our significant other. When we come to know and accept Christ's love for us. When we fall in love with a movie. When we go to Disneyland. When Christmas rolls around. When we meet those rare people in our lives who we can be ourselves with. It's different with everybody. My mom would tell you its when she runs, whereas my brother would confess it is when he surfs or experiences the outdoors. I would say a visit with Sea World encompasses all that is beautiful and wonderful. Kissing the one you love, hits you in a way that you didn't know you could feel and God has blessed us with that beautiful gift. I suppose that is why I enjoy these HSM movies. They are a rare window into the world of innocence, especially when I experience them through my favorite little person. I hope everyone has found that window of complete happiness. I can guarantee two absolute moments. When you kiss the one you love and when you fall in love with Christ. As for HSM movies being that for you, I have no guarantees.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Brilliant!
I was just reminiscing about some moments in the Television that still make me smile to this day. I thought I would share them with you:)
In no particular order.
1. About 5-8 yrs ago, I couldn't tell you exactly, I found myself bringing in the new year with MTV. The Foo Fighters were scheduled to perform right at midnight to start the year. The VJ's were in constant communication with The Foo Fighters who repeatedly mentioned a surprise. After commercials, they gave a clue. They said it would be a "200 lb. surprise". What the heck did that mean? I was eager and excited to be surprised. Midnight came and The Foo Fighters began playing "Back to Black" by AC/DC. "Awesome!" I thought. Then came the surprise. . .Out runs Jack Black on singing the lyrics to the song. It was one of the best performances I had a ever seen. I suppose I was more excited by the surprise and unexpectedness of it all. Brilliant.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8R2LODo_f0
2. Tina Fey as Palin. I heard that she was going to be playing her, but I had no idea that it would be that amazing. She was perfect! That will always be a classic impression. The Katie Couric interview is one of my favorites. When she gets lost talking about health care and job creation, it is a very humble moment. I can empathize with her. It reminds me of me, in college, at midnight, trying to finish my 10 page paper the night before its due. I have put in all the info I can, but its not enough pages. So I then begin to ramble on about a topic and I try to use big words and as many words as possible, just to sound intelligent and like I am giving more of an answer then I actually am. I feel you Sarah Palin.
3. On the same note. . .Amy Poehler rapping a song about Sarah Palin when she is about 9 months pregnant. Amy gives an intense performance in such delicate condition. I will be inspired to do the same when I am a large pregnant woman. That was awesome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6ya39slPgs
4. Katrina changed Louisiana and made celebrities look like they care about something. In true celebrity form, they selflessly offered their celebrity to this cause with an all night telethon. There were good musical performances and A-List celebrities. My FAVORITE part of the evening was when a celebrity let his crazy slip out. Kanye West and Mike Myers were lending their help by pleading to our nation about donating money, or at least that's what they were supposed to do. . .As most of you saw, Mike Myers speaks seriously and sincerely into the camera and then its Kanye's turn. . . ."George Bush does not care about Black people." OMG. I was sitting there with my jaw dropped, thinking, "Did he just say that?" The best part was Mike Myers face when Kanye made his intelligent statement. It was brilliant.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIUzLpO1kxI
5. In non-reality TV, one of my favorite moments was brought to us by a little show called FRIENDS. Of course, the last episode was monumental and so sad, It was the end end of an era! but I had no idea how it would end. Ross tells Rachel at the airport that he's in love with her before she leaves to move to Paris. She doesn't return his affections the same way and continues on to the airplane. Then this is where it gets really good. Ross gets home and listens to his messages, one of which is from Rachel. She begins to apologize for not saying more to him and in the middle of the message she realizes she is making a mistake going to Paris. You then here her arguing with a flight attendant that she needs to get off the plane. As Ross is listening, you hear yelling at the machine, " Let her off the plane!" The phone hangs up. An emotional Ross is left is saying, "Did she get off the plane?" Then you hear Rachel's voice saying, "I got off the plane." The live audience's reactions is priceless as well as many others of us who had the same gasp of relief and happiness that these two would finally be together. Because she's his Lobster.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYhT6zqpXw0
6. Another memorable TV couple had to come The Office. Most people are familiar with longing of Jim and the torn Pam in their tumultuous friendship. At the end of season 4, we were left not knowing the fate of their relationship. Then in the season premiere, they interview Pam about her relationship with Jim and she insists that they are not dating. A little later, you catch Pam picking up Jim. The camera angle makes it feel like we're not suppose to seem them. Then, there it is. Jim kisses Pam in the car. I was with a bunch of girls when this memorable moment occurred. We all screamed with giddy. Awesome.
7. This is just a cute moment and more so the moment I wouldn't have the courage to, but it would race through my mind to do. Larry King was interviewing one of my favorite comics, Miss Kathy Griffin. He then asks her what she thinks about the gorgeous and yummy Anderson Cooper. She replies with, " Dreamboat!" Larry then says will intro us to Anderson. There is a split screen of Anderson and Kathy. She looks intensely into the camera and says, "I'm in love with you. Please come over to my house tonight." It was unexpected and the thing everyone wants to say but has learn to control those school girl type crushes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Seg8JO92flA
8. I remember when I saw this. I was up late one night watching Conan O'Brian with my brother. I had never been a Triumph the insult dog fan until I witnessed this. This is my FAVORITE clip of making fun of Star Wars fans. It's genius and it's classic. Someone needed to accurately portray the sad Star Wars that are unaware of the real world behind. It still makes me laugh and I know it will for you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugk37TvIR8E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCtz4trJr_g&feature=related
In no particular order.
1. About 5-8 yrs ago, I couldn't tell you exactly, I found myself bringing in the new year with MTV. The Foo Fighters were scheduled to perform right at midnight to start the year. The VJ's were in constant communication with The Foo Fighters who repeatedly mentioned a surprise. After commercials, they gave a clue. They said it would be a "200 lb. surprise". What the heck did that mean? I was eager and excited to be surprised. Midnight came and The Foo Fighters began playing "Back to Black" by AC/DC. "Awesome!" I thought. Then came the surprise. . .Out runs Jack Black on singing the lyrics to the song. It was one of the best performances I had a ever seen. I suppose I was more excited by the surprise and unexpectedness of it all. Brilliant.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8R2LODo_f0
2. Tina Fey as Palin. I heard that she was going to be playing her, but I had no idea that it would be that amazing. She was perfect! That will always be a classic impression. The Katie Couric interview is one of my favorites. When she gets lost talking about health care and job creation, it is a very humble moment. I can empathize with her. It reminds me of me, in college, at midnight, trying to finish my 10 page paper the night before its due. I have put in all the info I can, but its not enough pages. So I then begin to ramble on about a topic and I try to use big words and as many words as possible, just to sound intelligent and like I am giving more of an answer then I actually am. I feel you Sarah Palin.
3. On the same note. . .Amy Poehler rapping a song about Sarah Palin when she is about 9 months pregnant. Amy gives an intense performance in such delicate condition. I will be inspired to do the same when I am a large pregnant woman. That was awesome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6ya39slPgs
4. Katrina changed Louisiana and made celebrities look like they care about something. In true celebrity form, they selflessly offered their celebrity to this cause with an all night telethon. There were good musical performances and A-List celebrities. My FAVORITE part of the evening was when a celebrity let his crazy slip out. Kanye West and Mike Myers were lending their help by pleading to our nation about donating money, or at least that's what they were supposed to do. . .As most of you saw, Mike Myers speaks seriously and sincerely into the camera and then its Kanye's turn. . . ."George Bush does not care about Black people." OMG. I was sitting there with my jaw dropped, thinking, "Did he just say that?" The best part was Mike Myers face when Kanye made his intelligent statement. It was brilliant.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIUzLpO1kxI
5. In non-reality TV, one of my favorite moments was brought to us by a little show called FRIENDS. Of course, the last episode was monumental and so sad, It was the end end of an era! but I had no idea how it would end. Ross tells Rachel at the airport that he's in love with her before she leaves to move to Paris. She doesn't return his affections the same way and continues on to the airplane. Then this is where it gets really good. Ross gets home and listens to his messages, one of which is from Rachel. She begins to apologize for not saying more to him and in the middle of the message she realizes she is making a mistake going to Paris. You then here her arguing with a flight attendant that she needs to get off the plane. As Ross is listening, you hear yelling at the machine, " Let her off the plane!" The phone hangs up. An emotional Ross is left is saying, "Did she get off the plane?" Then you hear Rachel's voice saying, "I got off the plane." The live audience's reactions is priceless as well as many others of us who had the same gasp of relief and happiness that these two would finally be together. Because she's his Lobster.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYhT6zqpXw0
6. Another memorable TV couple had to come The Office. Most people are familiar with longing of Jim and the torn Pam in their tumultuous friendship. At the end of season 4, we were left not knowing the fate of their relationship. Then in the season premiere, they interview Pam about her relationship with Jim and she insists that they are not dating. A little later, you catch Pam picking up Jim. The camera angle makes it feel like we're not suppose to seem them. Then, there it is. Jim kisses Pam in the car. I was with a bunch of girls when this memorable moment occurred. We all screamed with giddy. Awesome.
7. This is just a cute moment and more so the moment I wouldn't have the courage to, but it would race through my mind to do. Larry King was interviewing one of my favorite comics, Miss Kathy Griffin. He then asks her what she thinks about the gorgeous and yummy Anderson Cooper. She replies with, " Dreamboat!" Larry then says will intro us to Anderson. There is a split screen of Anderson and Kathy. She looks intensely into the camera and says, "I'm in love with you. Please come over to my house tonight." It was unexpected and the thing everyone wants to say but has learn to control those school girl type crushes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Seg8JO92flA
8. I remember when I saw this. I was up late one night watching Conan O'Brian with my brother. I had never been a Triumph the insult dog fan until I witnessed this. This is my FAVORITE clip of making fun of Star Wars fans. It's genius and it's classic. Someone needed to accurately portray the sad Star Wars that are unaware of the real world behind. It still makes me laugh and I know it will for you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugk37TvIR8E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCtz4trJr_g&feature=related
Monday, November 3, 2008
Blue Christmas without you
My favorite time of year, as I know it is for most of you, is Christmas. There's a certain smell that floats in the air when Christmas is approaching. The air seems to hug you in a different way and blasts you with its bitter cold, forcing you into your nearest starbucks for an Eggnog Latte or caramel apple cider. I love it! I was actually excited to get to work at the Mission Inn for Christmas time, but that idea is out the window since God genourously placed a heavy plate of Enchiladas on my toe, ensuring my christmas time at the Mission Inn would be spent how it always has. . .as a guest. Going to the Mission Inn the day after Thanksgiving for the lighting has always been a favorite pastime and tradition for my family and this year. Chris will make his first appearance. Chris has become one of my favorite Christmas traditions. He loves Christmas, maybe even more then I do. He made me start listening to Christmas music in July last year. I got to spend a crazy Christmas with his family last year. Crazy being that we traveled our way through six houses for six Christmas'. I loved it, but my only complaint was that I was missing my Christmas nap. This year Chris and I will not get to spend every day together blaring Christmas music in our cars and watching old Christmas cartoons together. Long distance seems to trample on a lot of my dreams for Chris and I. Instead, we will enjoy some brief weekends together that will be magical.
So far, on my own, I have already downloaded Linda Eder's Christmas album. I had no idea who she was when Coco introduced me to her. I thought she just sang Christmas music, but she does so much more. In the musical theatre world she is known as "The Voice" and for good reason. You should hear her sing "Man of La mancha" and then listen to me try. It is not an easy song. She sings my favorite version of Silent Night, as if it needed improving. What she does to that song leaves me speechless. You should check it out. I finally have the rest of her album. I also bought Judy Garland's "Have yourself a Merry little Christmas". I am determined to see the movie where she sings that song and make it my new Christmas tradition. What makes it Christmas time for me is watching "White Christmas". Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney are fantastic and they really get me in the mood. . .for Christmas. I have something to admit that might lower your opinion of me, but I HATE "A Christmas Story". Yes, there are are some classicly, hillarious moments in that film, but it traumatized me as a kid just as the BB Gun was traumatizing for the boy. Everyone loves that movie and I want no part of it. It frightens me a little and Christmas is not meant to be scary. I know that's probably the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard, but there's always two sides to everything and I am the other side.
I am getting so ancy for Christmas time to begin. This Christmas season is also bringing me the opportunity to see Wicked with my family on Dec. 2nd. I would love to make that a tradition. Maybe not just seeing Wicked, but a show that I can enjoy with my whole family. We are taking Abby for her very first show. I tried to explain it to her, but she really has no idea what is to come. This should be a life changing experience for her just as seeing "The Phantom of the Opera" was for Coco when she was five. I am just easing her to her broadway adventures. Next year, it's Mary Poppins. It's an expensive addiction to get hooked on and I am going to try my hardest to fund Abby's broadway excursions. I have a feeling she is going to get hooked. I might be creating a monster. Look out world, Abby is going to dominate with her singing and you will be forced to hear her sing "Popular" as if its the first time you've heard it.
I have a lot of things to look forward to this Christmas season and I cannot wait for it to begin!
So far, on my own, I have already downloaded Linda Eder's Christmas album. I had no idea who she was when Coco introduced me to her. I thought she just sang Christmas music, but she does so much more. In the musical theatre world she is known as "The Voice" and for good reason. You should hear her sing "Man of La mancha" and then listen to me try. It is not an easy song. She sings my favorite version of Silent Night, as if it needed improving. What she does to that song leaves me speechless. You should check it out. I finally have the rest of her album. I also bought Judy Garland's "Have yourself a Merry little Christmas". I am determined to see the movie where she sings that song and make it my new Christmas tradition. What makes it Christmas time for me is watching "White Christmas". Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney are fantastic and they really get me in the mood. . .for Christmas. I have something to admit that might lower your opinion of me, but I HATE "A Christmas Story". Yes, there are are some classicly, hillarious moments in that film, but it traumatized me as a kid just as the BB Gun was traumatizing for the boy. Everyone loves that movie and I want no part of it. It frightens me a little and Christmas is not meant to be scary. I know that's probably the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard, but there's always two sides to everything and I am the other side.
I am getting so ancy for Christmas time to begin. This Christmas season is also bringing me the opportunity to see Wicked with my family on Dec. 2nd. I would love to make that a tradition. Maybe not just seeing Wicked, but a show that I can enjoy with my whole family. We are taking Abby for her very first show. I tried to explain it to her, but she really has no idea what is to come. This should be a life changing experience for her just as seeing "The Phantom of the Opera" was for Coco when she was five. I am just easing her to her broadway adventures. Next year, it's Mary Poppins. It's an expensive addiction to get hooked on and I am going to try my hardest to fund Abby's broadway excursions. I have a feeling she is going to get hooked. I might be creating a monster. Look out world, Abby is going to dominate with her singing and you will be forced to hear her sing "Popular" as if its the first time you've heard it.
I have a lot of things to look forward to this Christmas season and I cannot wait for it to begin!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Fell in Love with the Band
I recall it was about five or six years ago, I was driving in my car listening to the usual songs when I came upon a song that I couldn't get enough of. This song filled my car with the most brilliant, unique music I had ever stumbled upon. I was in Love and from that moment on, I would begin a beautiful journey with a band called the Arcade Fire. If you have not had the privelage of tuning into their music, you need to and soon. I do not believe they are for everybody and I don't know that I can completely explain my passionate love, understanding of them. They just move me and always have. Their music is made with many different instruments. I have been told that if you attend a concert of their's, and you leave for the restroom, by the time you return, you will find they have switched instruments. Amazing! Sadly, I have not been to a concert of their's, but I cannot wait for when that day comes. Something else that makes me very happy is a video/documentary that you can find a portion of on youtube.com. If you look up a song called "Neon bible" you will find this song performed in an elevator. It's no joke. They all cram into an elevator and play their music live! Even one of the band members is using a magazine to rip to keep the percussion. I watched the enxtended part of this video that youtube.com doesn't show you. After they play this beautiful song, they burst out into the audience to play another one of their songs live and using megaphones for the vocals. Oh to be an audience member lucky enough to stand right next to them as play. I tend to go through many musical phases from showtunes, to Judy Garland, to Edith Piaf, to Guns and Roses, and so on. But my love of Arcade Fire has remained the same and I can confidently say, they are mine.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Love is patient. . .
I always found it humorous that in that infamous and most significant verse, the first thing that is said is, "Love is patient". God knew that this is one the major tests of of love in every avenue. In a disagreement, you can have patience and hear them out. GIving someone room and the time they need instead making things be in your own time. When you fall in love and want to rush to the alter before you know them. When you're waiting for the man you're in love with to propose. The Lord paints a beautiful picture with the use of patience. So many of us are in a hurry or we want things to be in our own time, sometimes feeling as though that allows us to control the outcome. Obviously, we are not in control. That is God's clever way of reminding us how we need him and how we are not in control. The joke's on me though. That has been one of my biggest struggles. I have been patiently reminded by the Lord, that I am simply not in control no matter how hard I try. My lack of patience has resulted in two tickets. One failing to follow the speed limit and another failing to stop completly when making a turn:( My patience level is something I am always working on and it comes out in ridiculous ways. On the way to Chris and I's favorite restaraunt, I was trying plan out what we would order even before we got there. It's a small thing, but a bigger one would have to be my planning a wedding before I'm even engaged. Technically, I have been planning my whole life (I'm one of the those girl's), but I began planning more seriously, recently when I found myself with more time and the possibility of being engaged was getting closer. I am not engaged yet and I need to practice more patience in that area. I think we all do. You'd be suprised how much it could change your life. It will dramatically improve your relationships. The Lord gave that as the into to his love verse for its significance and if used properly, for its life-changing potential. Use it wisely and you be blessed and frustrated, but then blessed again.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Lions and Tigers and Surgery..Oh MY!
It's official, my stupid broken toe has turned into a major inconvience. When I was first injured, I was excited to learn I would be receiving time off with pay. Now, it is possible that I will be out of work for the rest of the year and I have to go into surgery to have a pin put in. .eww. The thought scares and grosses me out that there is loose piece of bone flopping about in my big toe. I am running out of things to do. Now would be the time to finish all the books I started, organize my room, and get caught up on my favorite shows that I didn't have time for before. The pain of my toe forces me to have to take pain killers that make sleepy and unable to drive. Who knew injuring your big toe can bring so much distress? I suppose I took my big toe for granted before, never really realizing its significance. I'm here to tell you friends, your big toe is very important:)
With all my free time I seem to be investing a lot of it in wedding planing. Chris and I hope to be engaged by the end of this year and married next year. With that in the back of my mind and lot's of free time, I plan. I went to a really awful, unorganized wedding before that traumitized me of planning my own wedding. I have a small budget and I am a major people pleaser, so those things create a lot of anxiety for me. I want to have a wedding that is memorable, warm, intimate, and where every person that comes has a pleasant experience. I'm also a perfectionist, so you can understand my urgency to begin the planning process so early. Chris is NOT a planner. He waits until the last minute for everything, which makes my early planning sound ridiculous to him. There is so much wedding crap online that you can do and I can see how people's budget can get blown out of porportion. There is something for everybody. I found a cake topper that featured to charming mice with a mermaid fin. As most people know, I am huge fan of mermaids, but this mice combo with the mermaid boggles my mind. I don't get it, nor do I understand the type of couple that would acquire such a cake topper. I also found a bride who had her cake made to be 5ft tall and an exact replica of herself in her wedding dress. Why would this woman want her guests cutting into and eating something that resembles her? It was also a very disturbing cake to look at, even more so with her standing next to it looking exactly the same. I can tell you right now friends, I will not have that as a cake. For those ladies out there interested in a tip about saving money on your wedding dress, I will inform you. About 8 yrs ago I was watching the style network about weddings and they featured a store in LA that rents out designer dresses for a fraction of the cost. On your wedding day, you can wear real silk, or a vera wang gown, or a dress that is absolutely stunning and not have to feel bad about the budget. I am very sentimental, but for some reason, I have no desire to keep my dress. I suppose I could keep it in my closet and take it out when I am feeling low about my day and clean the house or watch TV. Really, it would collect dust. Instead, I am in love with the idea that I can have a unique, expensive, well made bridal gown that is completely within my budget(www.onenightaffair.com).
This whole planning process is fun, but it takes me through a range of emotions. Chris and I are long distance and that is filled with its challenges, so doubts that I might be feeling, i have to work out on my own. I have to remind myself of what I feel when I am with him or just simply be in the knowledge of what my love for him is and let that sustain me. I get scared, excited and just overwhelmed with such a huge commitment. There is so much faith and trust that I am putting in him and God about this marriage. I cannot anticipate or even predict the challenges that our marriage will bring. What brings me peace about such a daunting task is my faith in God. I can do anything if I have God guiding my life and my choices and to be able share that kind of faith in a marriage is beautiful. Chris has been talking about wanting to move to Colorado. It has been a dream of his for as long as I have known him and I always said no way because I hate snow. This recently became an issue when we became more serious about sharing our life together. I cried about the thought of leaving loved ones and then I went into prayer with God. I asked that if that is where he wanted to take us, then I will go. I asked the Lord to give some sort of intervention that really helped me see that this is truly where he wants us to be. The next day, Chris not knowing my prayer, began to tell me how he met a man a work from CO. He was originally from CA as was his wife. His wife DID NOT want to move there and always thought she would live in CA. While they lived there, they both fell in love with it. They recently got transferred back here, but are desperately trying to make their way back to CO. I'm not afraid anymore. God wants me in CO. There are key moments in my life where I knew God wanted me to be somewhere and normally I would have been fearful to even attempt such a thing, but when I knew it was of God, I felt peace. For example, I knew I was supposed to go to Hurricane Katrina. I didn't know how, but I knew I was going to be there. I had to go and meet with people I didn't know and who weren't my age. I just went. I was somewhat uncomfortable, but never paralyzed with fear. Somehow, I flew on an airplane with a bunch of strangers, going to a place I didn't know. I'm amazed at myself for doing that, but it wasn't my body anymore, it was God's and he was taking care of me. That's how I feel about this CO thing and that's how I even feel about marriage. My mom said when she was going to get married, the thought of marriage scared her, but it wasn't scary when she thought of marrying my Dad. And on her wedding day, she made her commitment to God and my Dad. That's how I feel with Chris. I can't imagine marrying anyone else and feeling safe about it and I feel more comfortable when I know my commitment is to God. I'm still amazed that I actually found someone like Chris. I never thought I could feel the way I feel about Chris. He is my best friend and I can't wait to marry him and spend every day with him. Until then, I will be stuck at home with my foot propped up and planning my incredible wedding:)
With all my free time I seem to be investing a lot of it in wedding planing. Chris and I hope to be engaged by the end of this year and married next year. With that in the back of my mind and lot's of free time, I plan. I went to a really awful, unorganized wedding before that traumitized me of planning my own wedding. I have a small budget and I am a major people pleaser, so those things create a lot of anxiety for me. I want to have a wedding that is memorable, warm, intimate, and where every person that comes has a pleasant experience. I'm also a perfectionist, so you can understand my urgency to begin the planning process so early. Chris is NOT a planner. He waits until the last minute for everything, which makes my early planning sound ridiculous to him. There is so much wedding crap online that you can do and I can see how people's budget can get blown out of porportion. There is something for everybody. I found a cake topper that featured to charming mice with a mermaid fin. As most people know, I am huge fan of mermaids, but this mice combo with the mermaid boggles my mind. I don't get it, nor do I understand the type of couple that would acquire such a cake topper. I also found a bride who had her cake made to be 5ft tall and an exact replica of herself in her wedding dress. Why would this woman want her guests cutting into and eating something that resembles her? It was also a very disturbing cake to look at, even more so with her standing next to it looking exactly the same. I can tell you right now friends, I will not have that as a cake. For those ladies out there interested in a tip about saving money on your wedding dress, I will inform you. About 8 yrs ago I was watching the style network about weddings and they featured a store in LA that rents out designer dresses for a fraction of the cost. On your wedding day, you can wear real silk, or a vera wang gown, or a dress that is absolutely stunning and not have to feel bad about the budget. I am very sentimental, but for some reason, I have no desire to keep my dress. I suppose I could keep it in my closet and take it out when I am feeling low about my day and clean the house or watch TV. Really, it would collect dust. Instead, I am in love with the idea that I can have a unique, expensive, well made bridal gown that is completely within my budget(www.onenightaffair.com).
This whole planning process is fun, but it takes me through a range of emotions. Chris and I are long distance and that is filled with its challenges, so doubts that I might be feeling, i have to work out on my own. I have to remind myself of what I feel when I am with him or just simply be in the knowledge of what my love for him is and let that sustain me. I get scared, excited and just overwhelmed with such a huge commitment. There is so much faith and trust that I am putting in him and God about this marriage. I cannot anticipate or even predict the challenges that our marriage will bring. What brings me peace about such a daunting task is my faith in God. I can do anything if I have God guiding my life and my choices and to be able share that kind of faith in a marriage is beautiful. Chris has been talking about wanting to move to Colorado. It has been a dream of his for as long as I have known him and I always said no way because I hate snow. This recently became an issue when we became more serious about sharing our life together. I cried about the thought of leaving loved ones and then I went into prayer with God. I asked that if that is where he wanted to take us, then I will go. I asked the Lord to give some sort of intervention that really helped me see that this is truly where he wants us to be. The next day, Chris not knowing my prayer, began to tell me how he met a man a work from CO. He was originally from CA as was his wife. His wife DID NOT want to move there and always thought she would live in CA. While they lived there, they both fell in love with it. They recently got transferred back here, but are desperately trying to make their way back to CO. I'm not afraid anymore. God wants me in CO. There are key moments in my life where I knew God wanted me to be somewhere and normally I would have been fearful to even attempt such a thing, but when I knew it was of God, I felt peace. For example, I knew I was supposed to go to Hurricane Katrina. I didn't know how, but I knew I was going to be there. I had to go and meet with people I didn't know and who weren't my age. I just went. I was somewhat uncomfortable, but never paralyzed with fear. Somehow, I flew on an airplane with a bunch of strangers, going to a place I didn't know. I'm amazed at myself for doing that, but it wasn't my body anymore, it was God's and he was taking care of me. That's how I feel about this CO thing and that's how I even feel about marriage. My mom said when she was going to get married, the thought of marriage scared her, but it wasn't scary when she thought of marrying my Dad. And on her wedding day, she made her commitment to God and my Dad. That's how I feel with Chris. I can't imagine marrying anyone else and feeling safe about it and I feel more comfortable when I know my commitment is to God. I'm still amazed that I actually found someone like Chris. I never thought I could feel the way I feel about Chris. He is my best friend and I can't wait to marry him and spend every day with him. Until then, I will be stuck at home with my foot propped up and planning my incredible wedding:)
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Stuck at home with a broken toe
Life for me right now consists of Disney movies, spaghettios, baths with children staring at my. .parts, and trying to come up with reasons why I cant do Abbys make-up. Don't get me wrong about it. It is lovely. It can be chaos living with small children, but I enjoy it very much. Chris came over and headed for the door. He's not as kid friendly as he thought. This is a very precious time for me and I keep thinking of Abby as a grown up and when shes my age, how she will look back at this time when her "best buddy" lived at her house. I asked her if she thought she should be a flower girl or a bridesmaid in my wedding and her confident reply was, "Bridesmaid!" Sadly in this time in my life, I actually am considering it. There is a good possibility I will be married next year and I say this with a heavy heart, my friends have dissapointed me. I remember the time when I talked about getting married with my Forest Home buddies, never thinking they wouldn't be apart of my life. With a deep sadness, they are not. I have made some life choices that I felt were for the better or I simply didnt know any better and I am left with broken friendships and precious memories. I remained closely with a friend from FoHo and endured a tumultuous friendship that seems to have backfired into oblivion. And rightfully so. I want healthy, encouraging friendships. Easy to say, hard to do. The funny thing is, I am a TOTAL people person. I love people. I put my whole heart into them and even if it fails, it was totally worth it. I have some horrible, hurtful friendships that wounded me almost to unrepair. Somehow I patched things up like a beginner quilter, trying to make sense of this new experience. No matter what people tell me about how to do things right, I always to want to learn the hard way. I can't just listen to rules or believe something is what it is unless I experience a backstory. Some might say I'm stubborn, but I think God meant for me to question things beacause we need those people to balance the world. People needed to question Hitler a little more, or even milli vanilli. It's a gift but a curse plagued with wounded friendships and terrible mistakes/ choices. I am a grown ass woman now and that comes with a responsibility and more so I feel it comes with much retrospect. I look back at different parts of my life with sadness, sweetness, and overall humility. I seem to have a peace and acceptance about the different chapters of my life. Now I am entering into a very significant chapter of my life. I am going to marry my best friend and he wants to marry me. He's scared, but who isn't. Somehow, I made that friendship work. He stuck around and displayed the same stubborness. We have had a lot of ups and downs. We were very broken people and in need of a lot of mending, but that took a lot of work. He has always been himself and fought for who is, just like I did. He was the first person that I could be completely and wholly myself with. I knew from that first night at Denny's, I met my match. He wouldn't back down. He didn't fall for my smoke and mirrors, nor was he impressed. It was just. . . .right. I finally felt balanced in a way that I had only experienced with God. I'm a crazy girl, always have been and Chris Metcalf took that girl and put her ease. I never knew who I would end up marrying. i thought I wanted someone just like me, but that thought often scared me. Then Chris came a long and turned my world upside and I walked out a better woman. The thought of being in a hospital, scared to give birth to my babies and thinking that only my mom would be my source of comfort is now a silly young girls dream. I can handle all that with Chris by my side. I get the symbolism that a marriage ceremony brings. My family will be giving me away to a man who will stand by through those times. My mom has been my constant companion through some extremely difficult times and now I don't need her as much. You always need your mom, but Chris will be taking over a lot that. It's all a strange reality that I am very comfortabe with. I look at Chris sometimes and my eyes become fixed on some odd physical imperfection and I think, "I love this man sooo much. How did this happen?" He's just a regular guy who loves beer, eating and playing video games, but man does he make my heart flutter:) He's not perfect, but I can't imagine my life without Chris Metcalf right by my side. We're in a long distance relationship right now and people always seem to ask, "How do you do it?" I mean, I do remember the days he and I spent every moment together, but life has taken us down a different path. Every time he flys away, half of my heart goes with him. The fun thing is, a phone relationship gives a different relationship and you are sometimes left feeling disconnected. But the beautiful thing is, everytime we get together, I get to fall in love with him all over again. The impersonal phone relationship lacks a certain intimacy and I go throughout my day missing him and wondering how one man can make me so happy. Then I hang out with him and he reminds all over again of the amazingness that is when we are with one another. I can't wait for the day when I get to wake up next to him, hot and sweaty like we always are, and ready to do mundane things together. Those by the way are my favorite moments. When we go to the grocery store, do laundry together, eat together, drive together, and brush our teeth together. Those moments to me are my favorite (Chris would share a different opintion). I never seemed to have been able to get that close to someone and the joy that I experience when I do that with Chris is priceless. It's a pretty good thing we got going. It works. . .for us. Every relationship is different and everyone will experience love in their own way and in ways they didn't expect. Typically I have observed the one that seems to steal our heart also seems to meet our brokeness, which is scary at first, but it is God's hand trying to mend you. Don't be afraid. Where there is love, there is God and where there is God, there is perfect love. Where there is love, there is no need to fear. Relax, God is listening to your heart, even the stupid little things.
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