Lions and Tigers and Surgery..Oh MY!

It's official, my stupid broken toe has turned into a major inconvience. When I was first injured, I was excited to learn I would be receiving time off with pay. Now, it is possible that I will be out of work for the rest of the year and I have to go into surgery to have a pin put in. .eww. The thought scares and grosses me out that there is loose piece of bone flopping about in my big toe. I am running out of things to do. Now would be the time to finish all the books I started, organize my room, and get caught up on my favorite shows that I didn't have time for before. The pain of my toe forces me to have to take pain killers that make sleepy and unable to drive. Who knew injuring your big toe can bring so much distress? I suppose I took my big toe for granted before, never really realizing its significance. I'm here to tell you friends, your big toe is very important:)
With all my free time I seem to be investing a lot of it in wedding planing. Chris and I hope to be engaged by the end of this year and married next year. With that in the back of my mind and lot's of free time, I plan. I went to a really awful, unorganized wedding before that traumitized me of planning my own wedding. I have a small budget and I am a major people pleaser, so those things create a lot of anxiety for me. I want to have a wedding that is memorable, warm, intimate, and where every person that comes has a pleasant experience. I'm also a perfectionist, so you can understand my urgency to begin the planning process so early. Chris is NOT a planner. He waits until the last minute for everything, which makes my early planning sound ridiculous to him. There is so much wedding crap online that you can do and I can see how people's budget can get blown out of porportion. There is something for everybody. I found a cake topper that featured to charming mice with a mermaid fin. As most people know, I am huge fan of mermaids, but this mice combo with the mermaid boggles my mind. I don't get it, nor do I understand the type of couple that would acquire such a cake topper. I also found a bride who had her cake made to be 5ft tall and an exact replica of herself in her wedding dress. Why would this woman want her guests cutting into and eating something that resembles her? It was also a very disturbing cake to look at, even more so with her standing next to it looking exactly the same. I can tell you right now friends, I will not have that as a cake. For those ladies out there interested in a tip about saving money on your wedding dress, I will inform you. About 8 yrs ago I was watching the style network about weddings and they featured a store in LA that rents out designer dresses for a fraction of the cost. On your wedding day, you can wear real silk, or a vera wang gown, or a dress that is absolutely stunning and not have to feel bad about the budget. I am very sentimental, but for some reason, I have no desire to keep my dress. I suppose I could keep it in my closet and take it out when I am feeling low about my day and clean the house or watch TV. Really, it would collect dust. Instead, I am in love with the idea that I can have a unique, expensive, well made bridal gown that is completely within my budget(www.onenightaffair.com).
This whole planning process is fun, but it takes me through a range of emotions. Chris and I are long distance and that is filled with its challenges, so doubts that I might be feeling, i have to work out on my own. I have to remind myself of what I feel when I am with him or just simply be in the knowledge of what my love for him is and let that sustain me. I get scared, excited and just overwhelmed with such a huge commitment. There is so much faith and trust that I am putting in him and God about this marriage. I cannot anticipate or even predict the challenges that our marriage will bring. What brings me peace about such a daunting task is my faith in God. I can do anything if I have God guiding my life and my choices and to be able share that kind of faith in a marriage is beautiful. Chris has been talking about wanting to move to Colorado. It has been a dream of his for as long as I have known him and I always said no way because I hate snow. This recently became an issue when we became more serious about sharing our life together. I cried about the thought of leaving loved ones and then I went into prayer with God. I asked that if that is where he wanted to take us, then I will go. I asked the Lord to give some sort of intervention that really helped me see that this is truly where he wants us to be. The next day, Chris not knowing my prayer, began to tell me how he met a man a work from CO. He was originally from CA as was his wife. His wife DID NOT want to move there and always thought she would live in CA. While they lived there, they both fell in love with it. They recently got transferred back here, but are desperately trying to make their way back to CO. I'm not afraid anymore. God wants me in CO. There are key moments in my life where I knew God wanted me to be somewhere and normally I would have been fearful to even attempt such a thing, but when I knew it was of God, I felt peace. For example, I knew I was supposed to go to Hurricane Katrina. I didn't know how, but I knew I was going to be there. I had to go and meet with people I didn't know and who weren't my age. I just went. I was somewhat uncomfortable, but never paralyzed with fear. Somehow, I flew on an airplane with a bunch of strangers, going to a place I didn't know. I'm amazed at myself for doing that, but it wasn't my body anymore, it was God's and he was taking care of me. That's how I feel about this CO thing and that's how I even feel about marriage. My mom said when she was going to get married, the thought of marriage scared her, but it wasn't scary when she thought of marrying my Dad. And on her wedding day, she made her commitment to God and my Dad. That's how I feel with Chris. I can't imagine marrying anyone else and feeling safe about it and I feel more comfortable when I know my commitment is to God. I'm still amazed that I actually found someone like Chris. I never thought I could feel the way I feel about Chris. He is my best friend and I can't wait to marry him and spend every day with him. Until then, I will be stuck at home with my foot propped up and planning my incredible wedding:)