Stuck at home with a broken toe

Life for me right now consists of Disney movies, spaghettios, baths with children staring at my. .parts, and trying to come up with reasons why I cant do Abbys make-up. Don't get me wrong about it. It is lovely. It can be chaos living with small children, but I enjoy it very much. Chris came over and headed for the door. He's not as kid friendly as he thought. This is a very precious time for me and I keep thinking of Abby as a grown up and when shes my age, how she will look back at this time when her "best buddy" lived at her house. I asked her if she thought she should be a flower girl or a bridesmaid in my wedding and her confident reply was, "Bridesmaid!" Sadly in this time in my life, I actually am considering it. There is a good possibility I will be married next year and I say this with a heavy heart, my friends have dissapointed me. I remember the time when I talked about getting married with my Forest Home buddies, never thinking they wouldn't be apart of my life. With a deep sadness, they are not. I have made some life choices that I felt were for the better or I simply didnt know any better and I am left with broken friendships and precious memories. I remained closely with a friend from FoHo and endured a tumultuous friendship that seems to have backfired into oblivion. And rightfully so. I want healthy, encouraging friendships. Easy to say, hard to do. The funny thing is, I am a TOTAL people person. I love people. I put my whole heart into them and even if it fails, it was totally worth it. I have some horrible, hurtful friendships that wounded me almost to unrepair. Somehow I patched things up like a beginner quilter, trying to make sense of this new experience. No matter what people tell me about how to do things right, I always to want to learn the hard way. I can't just listen to rules or believe something is what it is unless I experience a backstory. Some might say I'm stubborn, but I think God meant for me to question things beacause we need those people to balance the world. People needed to question Hitler a little more, or even milli vanilli. It's a gift but a curse plagued with wounded friendships and terrible mistakes/ choices. I am a grown ass woman now and that comes with a responsibility and more so I feel it comes with much retrospect. I look back at different parts of my life with sadness, sweetness, and overall humility. I seem to have a peace and acceptance about the different chapters of my life. Now I am entering into a very significant chapter of my life. I am going to marry my best friend and he wants to marry me. He's scared, but who isn't. Somehow, I made that friendship work. He stuck around and displayed the same stubborness. We have had a lot of ups and downs. We were very broken people and in need of a lot of mending, but that took a lot of work. He has always been himself and fought for who is, just like I did. He was the first person that I could be completely and wholly myself with. I knew from that first night at Denny's, I met my match. He wouldn't back down. He didn't fall for my smoke and mirrors, nor was he impressed. It was just. . . .right. I finally felt balanced in a way that I had only experienced with God. I'm a crazy girl, always have been and Chris Metcalf took that girl and put her ease. I never knew who I would end up marrying. i thought I wanted someone just like me, but that thought often scared me. Then Chris came a long and turned my world upside and I walked out a better woman. The thought of being in a hospital, scared to give birth to my babies and thinking that only my mom would be my source of comfort is now a silly young girls dream. I can handle all that with Chris by my side. I get the symbolism that a marriage ceremony brings. My family will be giving me away to a man who will stand by through those times. My mom has been my constant companion through some extremely difficult times and now I don't need her as much. You always need your mom, but Chris will be taking over a lot that. It's all a strange reality that I am very comfortabe with. I look at Chris sometimes and my eyes become fixed on some odd physical imperfection and I think, "I love this man sooo much. How did this happen?" He's just a regular guy who loves beer, eating and playing video games, but man does he make my heart flutter:) He's not perfect, but I can't imagine my life without Chris Metcalf right by my side. We're in a long distance relationship right now and people always seem to ask, "How do you do it?" I mean, I do remember the days he and I spent every moment together, but life has taken us down a different path. Every time he flys away, half of my heart goes with him. The fun thing is, a phone relationship gives a different relationship and you are sometimes left feeling disconnected. But the beautiful thing is, everytime we get together, I get to fall in love with him all over again. The impersonal phone relationship lacks a certain intimacy and I go throughout my day missing him and wondering how one man can make me so happy. Then I hang out with him and he reminds all over again of the amazingness that is when we are with one another. I can't wait for the day when I get to wake up next to him, hot and sweaty like we always are, and ready to do mundane things together. Those by the way are my favorite moments. When we go to the grocery store, do laundry together, eat together, drive together, and brush our teeth together. Those moments to me are my favorite (Chris would share a different opintion). I never seemed to have been able to get that close to someone and the joy that I experience when I do that with Chris is priceless. It's a pretty good thing we got going. It works. . .for us. Every relationship is different and everyone will experience love in their own way and in ways they didn't expect. Typically I have observed the one that seems to steal our heart also seems to meet our brokeness, which is scary at first, but it is God's hand trying to mend you. Don't be afraid. Where there is love, there is God and where there is God, there is perfect love. Where there is love, there is no need to fear. Relax, God is listening to your heart, even the stupid little things.