Fell in Love with the Band

I recall it was about five or six years ago, I was driving in my car listening to the usual songs when I came upon a song that I couldn't get enough of. This song filled my car with the most brilliant, unique music I had ever stumbled upon. I was in Love and from that moment on, I would begin a beautiful journey with a band called the Arcade Fire. If you have not had the privelage of tuning into their music, you need to and soon. I do not believe they are for everybody and I don't know that I can completely explain my passionate love, understanding of them. They just move me and always have. Their music is made with many different instruments. I have been told that if you attend a concert of their's, and you leave for the restroom, by the time you return, you will find they have switched instruments. Amazing! Sadly, I have not been to a concert of their's, but I cannot wait for when that day comes. Something else that makes me very happy is a video/documentary that you can find a portion of on youtube.com. If you look up a song called "Neon bible" you will find this song performed in an elevator. It's no joke. They all cram into an elevator and play their music live! Even one of the band members is using a magazine to rip to keep the percussion. I watched the enxtended part of this video that youtube.com doesn't show you. After they play this beautiful song, they burst out into the audience to play another one of their songs live and using megaphones for the vocals. Oh to be an audience member lucky enough to stand right next to them as play. I tend to go through many musical phases from showtunes, to Judy Garland, to Edith Piaf, to Guns and Roses, and so on. But my love of Arcade Fire has remained the same and I can confidently say, they are mine.

Love is patient. . .

I always found it humorous that in that infamous and most significant verse, the first thing that is said is, "Love is patient". God knew that this is one the major tests of of love in every avenue. In a disagreement, you can have patience and hear them out. GIving someone room and the time they need instead making things be in your own time. When you fall in love and want to rush to the alter before you know them. When you're waiting for the man you're in love with to propose. The Lord paints a beautiful picture with the use of patience. So many of us are in a hurry or we want things to be in our own time, sometimes feeling as though that allows us to control the outcome. Obviously, we are not in control. That is God's clever way of reminding us how we need him and how we are not in control. The joke's on me though. That has been one of my biggest struggles. I have been patiently reminded by the Lord, that I am simply not in control no matter how hard I try. My lack of patience has resulted in two tickets. One failing to follow the speed limit and another failing to stop completly when making a turn:( My patience level is something I am always working on and it comes out in ridiculous ways. On the way to Chris and I's favorite restaraunt, I was trying plan out what we would order even before we got there. It's a small thing, but a bigger one would have to be my planning a wedding before I'm even engaged. Technically, I have been planning my whole life (I'm one of the those girl's), but I began planning more seriously, recently when I found myself with more time and the possibility of being engaged was getting closer. I am not engaged yet and I need to practice more patience in that area. I think we all do. You'd be suprised how much it could change your life. It will dramatically improve your relationships. The Lord gave that as the into to his love verse for its significance and if used properly, for its life-changing potential. Use it wisely and you be blessed and frustrated, but then blessed again.

Lions and Tigers and Surgery..Oh MY!

It's official, my stupid broken toe has turned into a major inconvience. When I was first injured, I was excited to learn I would be receiving time off with pay. Now, it is possible that I will be out of work for the rest of the year and I have to go into surgery to have a pin put in. .eww. The thought scares and grosses me out that there is loose piece of bone flopping about in my big toe. I am running out of things to do. Now would be the time to finish all the books I started, organize my room, and get caught up on my favorite shows that I didn't have time for before. The pain of my toe forces me to have to take pain killers that make sleepy and unable to drive. Who knew injuring your big toe can bring so much distress? I suppose I took my big toe for granted before, never really realizing its significance. I'm here to tell you friends, your big toe is very important:)
With all my free time I seem to be investing a lot of it in wedding planing. Chris and I hope to be engaged by the end of this year and married next year. With that in the back of my mind and lot's of free time, I plan. I went to a really awful, unorganized wedding before that traumitized me of planning my own wedding. I have a small budget and I am a major people pleaser, so those things create a lot of anxiety for me. I want to have a wedding that is memorable, warm, intimate, and where every person that comes has a pleasant experience. I'm also a perfectionist, so you can understand my urgency to begin the planning process so early. Chris is NOT a planner. He waits until the last minute for everything, which makes my early planning sound ridiculous to him. There is so much wedding crap online that you can do and I can see how people's budget can get blown out of porportion. There is something for everybody. I found a cake topper that featured to charming mice with a mermaid fin. As most people know, I am huge fan of mermaids, but this mice combo with the mermaid boggles my mind. I don't get it, nor do I understand the type of couple that would acquire such a cake topper. I also found a bride who had her cake made to be 5ft tall and an exact replica of herself in her wedding dress. Why would this woman want her guests cutting into and eating something that resembles her? It was also a very disturbing cake to look at, even more so with her standing next to it looking exactly the same. I can tell you right now friends, I will not have that as a cake. For those ladies out there interested in a tip about saving money on your wedding dress, I will inform you. About 8 yrs ago I was watching the style network about weddings and they featured a store in LA that rents out designer dresses for a fraction of the cost. On your wedding day, you can wear real silk, or a vera wang gown, or a dress that is absolutely stunning and not have to feel bad about the budget. I am very sentimental, but for some reason, I have no desire to keep my dress. I suppose I could keep it in my closet and take it out when I am feeling low about my day and clean the house or watch TV. Really, it would collect dust. Instead, I am in love with the idea that I can have a unique, expensive, well made bridal gown that is completely within my budget(www.onenightaffair.com).
This whole planning process is fun, but it takes me through a range of emotions. Chris and I are long distance and that is filled with its challenges, so doubts that I might be feeling, i have to work out on my own. I have to remind myself of what I feel when I am with him or just simply be in the knowledge of what my love for him is and let that sustain me. I get scared, excited and just overwhelmed with such a huge commitment. There is so much faith and trust that I am putting in him and God about this marriage. I cannot anticipate or even predict the challenges that our marriage will bring. What brings me peace about such a daunting task is my faith in God. I can do anything if I have God guiding my life and my choices and to be able share that kind of faith in a marriage is beautiful. Chris has been talking about wanting to move to Colorado. It has been a dream of his for as long as I have known him and I always said no way because I hate snow. This recently became an issue when we became more serious about sharing our life together. I cried about the thought of leaving loved ones and then I went into prayer with God. I asked that if that is where he wanted to take us, then I will go. I asked the Lord to give some sort of intervention that really helped me see that this is truly where he wants us to be. The next day, Chris not knowing my prayer, began to tell me how he met a man a work from CO. He was originally from CA as was his wife. His wife DID NOT want to move there and always thought she would live in CA. While they lived there, they both fell in love with it. They recently got transferred back here, but are desperately trying to make their way back to CO. I'm not afraid anymore. God wants me in CO. There are key moments in my life where I knew God wanted me to be somewhere and normally I would have been fearful to even attempt such a thing, but when I knew it was of God, I felt peace. For example, I knew I was supposed to go to Hurricane Katrina. I didn't know how, but I knew I was going to be there. I had to go and meet with people I didn't know and who weren't my age. I just went. I was somewhat uncomfortable, but never paralyzed with fear. Somehow, I flew on an airplane with a bunch of strangers, going to a place I didn't know. I'm amazed at myself for doing that, but it wasn't my body anymore, it was God's and he was taking care of me. That's how I feel about this CO thing and that's how I even feel about marriage. My mom said when she was going to get married, the thought of marriage scared her, but it wasn't scary when she thought of marrying my Dad. And on her wedding day, she made her commitment to God and my Dad. That's how I feel with Chris. I can't imagine marrying anyone else and feeling safe about it and I feel more comfortable when I know my commitment is to God. I'm still amazed that I actually found someone like Chris. I never thought I could feel the way I feel about Chris. He is my best friend and I can't wait to marry him and spend every day with him. Until then, I will be stuck at home with my foot propped up and planning my incredible wedding:)

Stuck at home with a broken toe

Life for me right now consists of Disney movies, spaghettios, baths with children staring at my. .parts, and trying to come up with reasons why I cant do Abbys make-up. Don't get me wrong about it. It is lovely. It can be chaos living with small children, but I enjoy it very much. Chris came over and headed for the door. He's not as kid friendly as he thought. This is a very precious time for me and I keep thinking of Abby as a grown up and when shes my age, how she will look back at this time when her "best buddy" lived at her house. I asked her if she thought she should be a flower girl or a bridesmaid in my wedding and her confident reply was, "Bridesmaid!" Sadly in this time in my life, I actually am considering it. There is a good possibility I will be married next year and I say this with a heavy heart, my friends have dissapointed me. I remember the time when I talked about getting married with my Forest Home buddies, never thinking they wouldn't be apart of my life. With a deep sadness, they are not. I have made some life choices that I felt were for the better or I simply didnt know any better and I am left with broken friendships and precious memories. I remained closely with a friend from FoHo and endured a tumultuous friendship that seems to have backfired into oblivion. And rightfully so. I want healthy, encouraging friendships. Easy to say, hard to do. The funny thing is, I am a TOTAL people person. I love people. I put my whole heart into them and even if it fails, it was totally worth it. I have some horrible, hurtful friendships that wounded me almost to unrepair. Somehow I patched things up like a beginner quilter, trying to make sense of this new experience. No matter what people tell me about how to do things right, I always to want to learn the hard way. I can't just listen to rules or believe something is what it is unless I experience a backstory. Some might say I'm stubborn, but I think God meant for me to question things beacause we need those people to balance the world. People needed to question Hitler a little more, or even milli vanilli. It's a gift but a curse plagued with wounded friendships and terrible mistakes/ choices. I am a grown ass woman now and that comes with a responsibility and more so I feel it comes with much retrospect. I look back at different parts of my life with sadness, sweetness, and overall humility. I seem to have a peace and acceptance about the different chapters of my life. Now I am entering into a very significant chapter of my life. I am going to marry my best friend and he wants to marry me. He's scared, but who isn't. Somehow, I made that friendship work. He stuck around and displayed the same stubborness. We have had a lot of ups and downs. We were very broken people and in need of a lot of mending, but that took a lot of work. He has always been himself and fought for who is, just like I did. He was the first person that I could be completely and wholly myself with. I knew from that first night at Denny's, I met my match. He wouldn't back down. He didn't fall for my smoke and mirrors, nor was he impressed. It was just. . . .right. I finally felt balanced in a way that I had only experienced with God. I'm a crazy girl, always have been and Chris Metcalf took that girl and put her ease. I never knew who I would end up marrying. i thought I wanted someone just like me, but that thought often scared me. Then Chris came a long and turned my world upside and I walked out a better woman. The thought of being in a hospital, scared to give birth to my babies and thinking that only my mom would be my source of comfort is now a silly young girls dream. I can handle all that with Chris by my side. I get the symbolism that a marriage ceremony brings. My family will be giving me away to a man who will stand by through those times. My mom has been my constant companion through some extremely difficult times and now I don't need her as much. You always need your mom, but Chris will be taking over a lot that. It's all a strange reality that I am very comfortabe with. I look at Chris sometimes and my eyes become fixed on some odd physical imperfection and I think, "I love this man sooo much. How did this happen?" He's just a regular guy who loves beer, eating and playing video games, but man does he make my heart flutter:) He's not perfect, but I can't imagine my life without Chris Metcalf right by my side. We're in a long distance relationship right now and people always seem to ask, "How do you do it?" I mean, I do remember the days he and I spent every moment together, but life has taken us down a different path. Every time he flys away, half of my heart goes with him. The fun thing is, a phone relationship gives a different relationship and you are sometimes left feeling disconnected. But the beautiful thing is, everytime we get together, I get to fall in love with him all over again. The impersonal phone relationship lacks a certain intimacy and I go throughout my day missing him and wondering how one man can make me so happy. Then I hang out with him and he reminds all over again of the amazingness that is when we are with one another. I can't wait for the day when I get to wake up next to him, hot and sweaty like we always are, and ready to do mundane things together. Those by the way are my favorite moments. When we go to the grocery store, do laundry together, eat together, drive together, and brush our teeth together. Those moments to me are my favorite (Chris would share a different opintion). I never seemed to have been able to get that close to someone and the joy that I experience when I do that with Chris is priceless. It's a pretty good thing we got going. It works. . .for us. Every relationship is different and everyone will experience love in their own way and in ways they didn't expect. Typically I have observed the one that seems to steal our heart also seems to meet our brokeness, which is scary at first, but it is God's hand trying to mend you. Don't be afraid. Where there is love, there is God and where there is God, there is perfect love. Where there is love, there is no need to fear. Relax, God is listening to your heart, even the stupid little things.